proba tive org archives

Off to see the surgeon and get my neck fixed. Thanks to all the well-wishers. And apologies to Mehmet. Despite what Mike says, if he'd actually said your name I would have remembered it! Honest.

While you're waiting for updates, here's something to ponder:

"Where, after all, do universal human rights begin? In small places, close to home - so close and so small that they cannot be seen on any map of the world. Yet they are the world of the individual person: The neighbourhood he lives in; the school or college he attends; the factory, farm or office where he works. Such are the places where every man, woman and child seeks equal justice, equal opportunity, equal dignity without discrimination. Unless these rights have meaning there, they have little meaning anywhere. Without concerted citizen action to uphold them close to home, we shall look in vain for progress in the larger world."
- Eleanor Roosevelt

My surgery was abruptly preempted this morning, but not until about 20 minutes before I was scheduled to roll into the OR: gowned and IV in place.

The reason given was that an excessive number of trauma cases combined with a fuller than usual complement of candidates had exceeded the capacity of the OR facilities. [Really does sound like an airline talking, doesn't it?]

Two other patients were sent home unrepaired, so I don't feel like the surgery goddess is angry with me or anything - she just had her hands full today.

The show opens again on April 18th. Stay tuned.

Boy, when you've been operating in crunch mode for long enough your body gives up telling you to stop - until you do actually stop. Mine has been screaming its displeasure since I got home yesterday afternoon. Good thing Mike treated me to lunch after we were 'let go' from the hospital because I was too tired to even think about eating post nap. Too tired to join him at Chu Shing last night either.

Despite a long rest overnight and this morning, I only started feeling slightly human late in the day today. Boo hiss.

Welcome amusement was found in the title of Mike Hoye's latest post. A very long time ago, my sister made super hero outfits for my super children. As it happens I have a picture that I've promised to share now. Here are "Super Mike" and "Super Steph":

For obvious reasons, there's an 'M' on his chest, but still...

I'm still not up to doing a whole lot physically, so I'm trying to use this time to plan my use of the month and half reprieve I have been sentenced to endure. One thing I'll have is more time to re-organize my support network and to investigate how much physical support I really will need when the time comes. Of course, it also means more time on the drowsy-making drugs that allow me to sleep almost normally (if the two hours and two cups of coffee it takes to get going in the morning can be considered temporarily normal).

The Very Wee (to quote my son) living quarters into which I have moved lend priority to streamlining the contents therein. This effort had been indefinitely postponed due to the impending period of unknown but seriously reduced physical ability and the scheduling overrun of the move itself.

Lots of people should be told now. About my new coordinates. Hmmm. I see a list or two forming.

I've taken a baby step on the path to reduced hardware overhead: now all three OS are at the same rev of Thunderbird and Firefox. If I can get my printer/scanner to work with RH 9, I may be able to eliminate one PC from under my desk. Which brings to mind the plan to reduce the height of my home-made tower trolley that currently rolls under the desk.

I'm committed to getting outside for a stroll today since I see sunshine and more water than ice on my walkway. There, a very small plan has been born.

I'm feeling more and more human every day now. I think it might be the change in residence as well as the completion of the move.

Most people I mentioned it to interpreted the fact that I was moving last week to mean that I was being moved, so I was busy packing or unpacking and supervising. Made me smile a bit, that did. It's been a while since I was as pampered as all that. I think the best (meaning easiest) move was the one from Virginia to North Carolina when I went to work for Ericsson. They did some things right at least.

Each move since the move to Montreal several years ago has been progressively more of a DIY event - neck problems or no. And at the same time, more things have wound up in storage due to lack of space and time to dispose of them. Okay, and my stubborn belief that life will soon become a closer approximation of normal.

My newest abode is a wee space, about 18 by 18 feet, broken up into two rooms plus a bathroom. Still, it has a lot going for it and represents a step toward normalcy: above ground, bright, warm and a new landlord who is not interested in being a slumlord. The gentleman who lives above me shovels the snow and is so quiet I fell asleep the other night without the earplugs that have been de rigeur for almost three years now. (What a pleasant surprise it was to awake and realize that!) My door opens onto a small green space so I can reclaim the BBQ that's been in Toronto waiting for me to have a place for it (and the health to go and get it). There's very little traffic noise since I'm at the back of the building.

Except for the kitchen, the whole place has just been renovated from the studs out. Brand new bathroom fixtures and - the fridge has no duct tape holding it together. (I'm not making this up, honestly.)

After the snow stopped today, I went out walking, noting some changes but also finding several spots I frequented while living nearby years ago: the Won Ton House, Herb & Spice, Ottawa Bagel Shop.

Dixie, my little feline companion has calmed down considerably in just the short bit of time we've been here. Smaller but healthier for both of us.

Can just being in the hospital for a few hours make one ill? I'm starting to wonder. Maybe the flu thing found me while I was exhausted from the move.

Even though it's overcast and snowing and blowing (quite a bit), I awoke early and have been pondering what to do with the day now that my coffee and cereal are done. I'd been thinking last night that I would send myself out for more walking exercise and then run an errand or two in the Jeep (over to storage, etc). That's been changed (I'm SO flexible these days!) given my tummy issue and the fact that the windchill is -22°C at the moment.

Later on in the day it's supposed to warm up marginally and then some ice pellets are going to be dropping from the sky. I'll keep an eye out and see if there's a window for a short but safe walk. All this cautiousness about slipping and further injuring my poor neck makes me feel more broken than I probably am. Still, it's not worth the risk IMO. Not while I'm THIS close to getting things stabilized.

So what shall I do while I'm confined to quarters? Oh, I'll try to fix the archives display on my site. The fact that they are ugly as hell and don't follow the styles I've deteremined for the rest of the site (except for that freeware photo gallery thing that I started writing a replacement for and got sidetracked by the startup opportunity that stalled but just in time for the move chaos and then the close but no cigar surgery adventure.)

The archive revamp should take a few hours. Not because it's difficult per se, just that I'm not familiar with MovableType-speak. If you're here and things are icky, please be patient. When I'm done, I'll post that information and the official complaints can start. Probably later today, but don't hold your breath or anything!

It's a start, anyway. A bit of a kludge since I haven't unpacked the relevant bookage just yet.

Just the Monthly ones for now. MT names things awfully strangely I must say. The mark of afterthought is everywhere.

I know, I know: bitch bitch bitch. And no, I haven't written my own content managment system. Yet.

It's International Women's Day today and Women's Week this week. A bunch of delegates have assembled at the UN in NYC to review, comment, celebrate and criticize ongoing achievements, hurdles, action and inaction on the parts of women and goverments around the world.

I found the Concluding Observations of the UN Committee on the Elimination of Discrimination against Women regarding Canada's 5th report to them filed March 2002 about her performance wrt The Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women (CEDAW).

It's right there on the Human Rights Program portion of the Canadian Heritage website. [Don't ask me, I don't know why it's under Heritage --- any guesses?]

Surprising to read that the UN interprets changes that have taken place domestically regarding financing of social programs the same way most of the taxpayers I have run into do: that they have not helped improve things they were advertised to address.

The part I liked the best (because I'm like that) is where the UN tells Canada off for not providing information in the appropriate format and that having a complicated internal bureaucracy is no excuse for not doing better (in reporting and making social program changes).

The rest was pretty discouraging, though. So don't read it unless you really want to. It was interesting to hear what another official body had to say about our country in this respect. Having lived most of my life here as a child, student, wife and single parent and having met many women who have or are still struggling with the social and economic environment here, not to mention the news items that surface more regularly than they should, I'm not exactly a fan of Canada's smug self-congratulatory propaganda when the news appears at first glance to be flattering and her ability to forget (or not report on, or not gather to report on) the areas in which she really could do better.

The last "observation" was somewhat ironic, since it was a little difficult to locate women's issues and this document in particular on the government site even though I'd been there a few months ago and knew it existed:

389. The Committee requests the wide dissemination in Canada of the present concluding comments in order to make the people of Canada, and particularly government administrators and politicians, aware of the steps that have been taken to ensure de jure and de facto equality for women and the future steps required in that regard. It also requests the State party to continue to disseminate widely, in particular to women's and human rights organizations, the Convention and its Optional Protocol, the Committee's general recommendations, the Beijing Declaration and Platform for Action and the results of the twenty-third special session of the General Assembly, entitled "Women 2000: gender equality, development and peace in the twenty-first century".

[Thought I'd help them out with that a bit today...chuckle.]

I've battled on a couple of fronts specific to single parents, 99% of whom are still women, and have first hand knowledge of the incredible energy and determination it took to do so. It's one of the reasons I want to finally become a lawyer - so I can be of more assistance to single parents and their children than I encountered in my travels. Either by being affordable or by instigating some changes to the system with which they must cope. [I'd better not get started or I won't stop tonight.]

My final statement on this International Women's Day is that what affects women deeply affects their children as well.

[Okay, I'm making a couple more statements now!] Michele Landsberg wrote a book that helped illuminate the landscape back in the '80s (Women and Children First: A Provocative Look at Modern Canadian Women at Work and at Home. Markham, Ont: Penguin, 1982, 1985.) If you're new to the subject of women's issues in Canada it's not a bad start.

So, I fixed up one other item on my blog (to do with the display of individually archived entries) and then tried to pretty up the comments listing and flubbed it. Ah well, maybe next try....

I am not adapting very well to the random visits from the Pain Fairy. I am having a hard time giving up the old belief that there's something I've done or not done or am doing at the moment that is increasing or decreasing the pain. I have to consciously remind myself that there is a chaos factor, namely the mechanical problems in my neck, over which I have no control. I've stopped blaming myself for doing too much or not doing whatever I did properly - a big change for me after all these years.

While the lack of sleep is annoying in itself, the chemicals that I am allowed to take to ensure sleep and quell pain are pretty heavy duty compared to the OTC remedies of the past 9 years. I am precluded from using plain old Tylenol or Aspirin or Aleve (naproxen sodium) by my liver situation. The narcotic and anti-depressants/tranquilizers that I can use have predictable and frustrating side-effects. Like walking around in a fog for at least a couple of hours after managing to get myself out of bed. Weird, if infrequently entertaining, dreams. And a significant decrease in my ability to plan my activities from day to day.

So I end up being pretty discouraged with myself for not doing the little things that normally (I can still remember when I was normal) would take less time to do than to think about doing. Even deciding what to do first is a bit of a challenge when I've resorted to chemical relief to attain sleep and freedom from pain.

The unpredictability of it all is the most frustrating, though. [I have all kinds of empathy at this moment for those poor rats I read about in Psych 101.] The increased pain during the move was predictable and temporary. I didn't push myself but plodded along carefully then paid for it when it was all over a week or so ago. Since then, the bod had been responding pretty well to better sleep and a less stressful living environment and a return to normal exertion levels.

Until last night.

If not zero sleep, then very little restful sleep was had. The narcotic had been employed because I noticed the pain increasing during the early evening - again, for no discernable reason - but to no avail. I got up at what I estimated to be 1 or 2 am to add a different chemical to the arsenal since I had done nothing but toss and turn in attempts to get comfortable - only to find it was 5 am. Took the thing anyway, knowing some sleep during the 24 hours was necessary and finally did crash.

I was too sluggish to answer the phone at 9 am, though. Sometime later my head refused to stop repeating my phone number over and over. [Some kind of subconscious suggestion I guess.] It finally annoyed me enough to get me out of bed at 1pm.

The message on my phone was from a good friend who said I sounded pretty good in the message on her phone from a couple of days ago. Right. Well, it depends on the day and some other cosmic forces. Which is why I'm not out pounding down doors for a job right now nor being as social as I have been in the past.

And quite frankly I'm tired of it all. Don't worry, I'm not THAT tired of it. Well, TODAY I am very tired of it, but I (almost) know that tomorrow will be (unpredictably) different and soon the Surgery Goddess will visit and do what she can to alleviate part of this nonsense.

I'm trashing the small plan for today and resigning myself to being an official slug. Just in case anyone asks, you'll know what to tell them.

I just got out of the sack, the lateness of which sometimes bothers me because I feel much more normal (for me) when I do this at 5:30 am. I've been considering what it is that bugs me about regular late rising and it's not just that it's 'not the way I usually am'. It's also the fact that the time to contact and deal with the official world is much reduced and at this moment in my adventurous life much of my external contact is within that realm.

Not today! Today I am simply pleased that I slept long and deeply even if it was the result of employing several of the drugs in my little pharmacy. I'm pretty well pain free at this moment, too. If it's not completely gone, then it's reduced enough to be ignored by overused receptors. OR the codeine is still doing it's job. No matter...

There's bright cheery sunshine out there making the piled up snow look gorgeous. The temperatures no longer warrant warning banners on the weather sites. No matter what else I do today, I'm spending some time outdoors.

More oddish dreams in the continuing part of this entry for any who are interested.

Dreams that I recall included my explaining to various people I encountered (carried forward from a previous dream) that I had purchased another Bouvier - a little girl this time and just a couple of months old. She was adorable, naturally. I don't remember what I named her, though. I was moving (no kidding, huh?) and found myself working at a large multi-building institution - a combination of my real-life alma mater and the telecom manufacturer for whom I worked for a decade. I ran into people from many different eras of my life during my travels to locate buildings and services on this huge campus. My daughter was the subject of some of this searching. Oh, and a cute little kitten appeared in the apartment from which I was moving. I think I managed to find someone else to adopt it. It was a fluffy little ball of black and white that fit very nicely in the palm of one's hand.

It's all melting-like outside. -3°C is hardly winter. Seriously whacked weather here in Ottawa: just a couple of days ago it was -33°C with the windchill. [Somebody's having fun at our expense I'll bet.]

I was out looking for a convenient parking spot immediately after arising about an hour ago. The big blue construction bin is leaving today! Hurray. Apart from just being ugly and taking up more than half of the driveway it has made getting back to my door trickier than it needs to be not to mention icier by keeping any sun at all from reaching the accumulations that drip from the roof.

Even better news was an email from my friend, Merci who appears to be back at work already post-surgery. You go girl! Great to hear from you again. [I owe you a card or two that I've been getting organized to send and now that's at the top of my things-to-do-that-won't-hurt-much list.]

All of this before today's coffee. Good huh?

I touched base with one of my oldest and dearest friends by phone yesterday. More good news: several years of chaos and turmoil are coming to an end - finally. She's accepted a permanent position at the place she's been working "casually" for almost a year. [ "Casual employment" means "wait to hear at the last minute" means "don't plan a life". ]

Congratulations, Marsha! It's about time things worked out for you. I'm looking forward to actually visiting in person before my surgery de-mobiizes me.

Marsha is putting me in touch with someone who has had the same procedure I am about to have. I am counting on gaining more helpful information from her than what the well-intentioned but confusing folks at the hospital had to share.

I got out for exercise and distraction yesterday afternoon. Shopped in the Glebe a bit and enjoyed it very much. Not that I bought much, but there are some very interesting shops there. One of which was filled with a group of women having a very entertaining chat.

Since I am on different bus routes now, I went to the OC Transpo site for information and discovered a new online service. It helps you plan your trip. Very cool. Rather an unpolished user interface, but it got the information for me. I'm expecting there will be improvements over time.

Among other things today I managed to make some improvements to the archive listings. Well, I think they are improvements. After spending far far too long trying to figure out how to do what I wanted in MT 2.x I stumbled onto a solution that uses PHP (just a bit - to do the comparisons I couldn't do otherwise).

Oh, and the extended entry things are better, but not great. For some reason the <someMTEntryPermalink>#more doesn't land you at the end of the normal entry and start of the extended part. So it's pretty lame, but at least you can see the temporarily lost parts now.

I used exactly what the default templates had eventually, so I have no clue what's different - unless rebuilding doesn't work the same way as it once did?

This is not to be confused with having no pain. It means I thought I should start taking the pain medications the way they've been prescribed. and yes, I'd intentionally been not following directions. For some good reasons I think.

They are time-released and I've been using them incorrectly (on an "only when it's really bad" basis) partly because I didn't want to be driving in an impaired state and partly because artificially interrupting the pain feedback could have led to my overdoing things (more than I did) physically - lifting, etc. Needless to say, they weren't as effective as they could be.

The first night of doing it right I didn't sleep until about 6 am. Not because I was feeling pain - I just didn't get tired. Now I have had two wonderful nights of real rest. Yay team! More amazing are the two days of nearly no pain signals. The fact that it felt really odd when I first noticed this and the recollection that I used to live without pain has me hoping the upcoming surgery is phenomenally successful. With respect to managing expectations, the surgeons I have consulted sound a lot like the family and tax lawyers I used to consult: erring on the side of caution. I continue to believe the best is possible, though.

There's a down side to narcotics, of course. I'm having trouble moving from intentions to actions. For instance, I intended to take 1/2 the usual dose this morning, but realized a few minutes later that I hadn't actually halved the pill and ended up taking the whole thing. I can't believe I took the whole thing!

At least it's Sunday. Nobody's going to expect me to be too sharp today. Well, except myself.

A happier medium is being approached now. Some pain in exchange for some brain. Not a bad deal - so far.

I did take the half-a-pill last night. Awoke at 5:30 quite surprised at the paucity of pain and a little pissed with Dixie - she'd been persistently attempting to gain entry into the lower kitchen cupboards upon which I have employed elastics to prevent such entry. So it was the [thunk...thunk] of the doors that woke me. Decided it was too earlier for someone who has nothing much planned to be up when there is still snow on the ground and snoozed again until the phone rang.

Still - not much in the pain department. Took the morning drugs and another half-a-pill for pain. Tidied my small place a wee bit. Washed the floors. Anticipated a visit from the contractors but it didn't happen.

The phone call was the landlord informing me that the fire inspector is coming by tomorrow morning. Oh good! A visitor. I told him the automatic door closing mechanism was still disabled which is what he was going to get the building contractors to re-enable for tomorrow. He's agreed that another variety of apparatus is probably needed since I can't open or close the door easily when the current one is hooked up. I told him about having to remove the battery from the smoke alarm, too. It goes off when I open the oven (and it's hot from cooking something yummy!) That problem will hopefully be remedied by installing a venting hood over the stove.

I mucked again with this blog. I found that even though I have entries displayed on my home page (centre panel), some of them have commenting turned off. I tried manually setting them back to open status but the next day --- they were magically back to closed.

Entries will now display a different set of words depending upon that status and the number of comments received.

Start A Discussion :: comments open; none posted
Join The Discussion :: comments open; at least one posted
View The Discussion :: comments closed; at least one posted
Discussion Temporarily Disabled :: comments closed; none posted

The last two provide further information about the whole sordid mess.

The comments listing box has been styled to match the rest of the site. But the comments error thing has not - yet.

In honour of the day and the "Irish blood that's in me" (from a song we children favoured when we were small due to the similarity with our family name), I've been poking around in cyberspace and found this bit of Halligan family lore.

Less readable (at least in my browser...), but more entertaining is Ben Halligan's web site about the family.

It's Kerry's birthday today! Happy Birthday, kiddo. I dug into the albums and found a picture taken of the first time I met you... It was during an historic weekend trip in 1979 at Easter time. My little family was about to be confined to the US side of the border temporarily during a critical period of our Green Card processing. We just couldn't return to Georgia without meeting the newest Halligan: Kerry Ann.

Pictured below are myself, Michael holding Kerry and Kerry's mom, Cheryl. Stephanie is there, too but hiding :-)

I am counting the days until surgery now. There are 31. Also envisioning a completely sucessful outcome. This includes but is not limited to: no postponements; no complications during the procedure; complete relief from the random attacks of pain, muscle weakness, sleeplessness and fatigue; healing in record time.

I found instructions relating to organizing my place for post-surgery ease of use at Preparing for Cervical Spine Surgery. They advised:

• Place the telephone in a convenient area, such as near the bed or chair.
  
• Prepare food or purchase easy-to-prepare foods before you come to the hospital.
  
• Identify a person who will be able to help you with shopping and other chores.
  
• Move food, pots, pans and other cooking utensils to high shelves or other counter tops so you can avoid bending.
  
• Place shoes, clothing and toiletries at a height where you can reach them without bending.
  
• Remove or secure any throw rugs so you won't trip over them.

To which I'm adding some things of my own:

• finish sorting through and unpacking the things that are here in the Wee Space (not much has been done due to the random stuff noted above and the fact that I wasn't sure about exactly what I would be able to do post-surgery, now that I have some information I can start making some headway)
  
• contact the people who volunteered earlier to help to see if they are still available for the new time period
  
• do all the laundry so I don't have to worry about clean clothes for a few weeks (laundry facilities will be part of the amenities of this building but no firm date at the moment)
  
• weigh the cat (if she's over 10lbs, I'll also have to buy a water squirter because I won't be allowed to move her by lifting her when she's being bad)
  
• figure out how heavy some stuff that I will be tempted to handle is - like the Brita jug when it's got water in it; a basket of laundry; things I'll want from the store - liquid type things mainly.
  
• get my monitor set up at the correct height (neck not bendable for a couple of months)
  
• write down things I'm likely to forget once the drugs wear off (passwords, bills that need paying, kids names :-)
  
• donate some blood for them to use - just in case. (I hadn't considered it and the surgeon didn't mention it but the pre-admissions lady asked about it and now that I have some time, seems like not a bad thing to do.)

Up early, well, okay earlier than what has become usual. The contractors are coming to install modern baseboard heaters and a range hood this morning. They weren't any more specific than that, so I'm up and yawning and getting ready to get showered and dressed before they arrive.

I woke yesterday at NOON to banging that I thought was more construction work next door and ignored it. Turns out it was them knocking on my door. Hah. So the deeds will be done today.

I've got a mini blogging project in the works as well. I'm tired of struggling with MT to get it to do what I want, and have found a free replacement that doesn't require my having access to mySql on the server that hosts this blog for me. Many moons ago I was informed that I wouldn't get that and I'm not sure I can install my own version... so I'm going to do without.

An added advantage is that I can create one for my daughter as well. Since she's contemplating going overseas for a bit, this is good timing. Hers will be easier since I'll have to import my MT stuff to the my new version and heaven knows that it may not be quite as easy as the manual predicts.

Good morning to anyone who's already up. It's another of a long string of sunny mornings here in Ottawa. Maybe it was usually sunny before and I didn't notice because I was in the basement? Or maybe it's just been an abnormally sunny March this year. Nice in any case.

Oh and I have figured out that 1 litre of water weighs 1 kilogram which is approximately 2 pounds. Next time I'm at Loblaws I think I'll weigh a litre of milk too.

Three new baseboard heaters were installed yesterday. The range hood fell off the schedule truck I think (schedules are like that as I seem to recall), but should appear sometime in the not too distant future. One of the baseboard heaters isn't working - OR the thermostat that controls it has finally bit the dust - same outcome in any case.

When the guys were gone and the furniture was moved back where it was previously, I started poking around with getting a new blog tool set up and customized for my girl. It was fun to get into geeky stuff again, and I kept detailed notes but I'm not happy with the (ahem) lack of documentation of the customized style. After installing two different versions of the blog tool itself thinking maybe the style was older than the latest and greatest, I am seeing the same things. Boo Hiss.

There's a different style that appears to have been developed by a more (um) professional coder. So today's idea is to give that one a shot and see if it works better and has fewer things I'll have to tweak.

And yes, I have RTFM (well, more like scanned it) - the one for the tool itself. This second style actually has an M and the guy's tag line is "My motto: RTFM".

A new motto for (some) open source software projects should be WTFM (Write) or even better: WAFRM or WAFUM (Readable and Useable) Hmmm they could be combined into WAFRUM. Now that I think about it WAFUM is enough. Useable should imply Readable and could even stand for User. Seriously, some of the open source projects I have perused have forgotten that the world is not populated solely with members of that project. I know, I know - it's not easy to forget all the things you now have on autopilot from years of building the latest killer app. For a start, try pretending you're writing for a person who has just joined your team. After that works (because a new team member has used it and prompted modifications) try pretending the user you're writing for is a tester. It's just a short leap to writing for the rest of the world now. You can arrange your document to help ROTW get up to speed, really you can! It just takes awareness and discipline. C'mon, I know you can do it...you're a smart bunch of people - you write applications - something not too many of the general population can do.

There's a payoff, too. The more people who can use your application sucessfully - meaning to solve the problem they have or perform a service WITHOUT the help of their geek friends to get it working, the more downloads and exposure and thanks you'll receive. Guaranteed. Thanks for the easy installation and setup along with thanks for the application doing what the user expected. Oh, and this may be more of a motivator - the fewer questions from confused people will be clogging up your support forums and you can spend time doing things that are more fun than replying to them. (Or not replying and losing them as part of your fan base.)

Back to reality: Coffee and sunshine to start the day can't be all bad now can it?

This news item from Trent University has been brought to my attention and I thought I'd spread the word. (Underlines added by moi)

Members of the Trent University Emergency First Response Team (TUEFRT) were quick to take action when it came to mock first-aid scenarios at the 11th annual National Conference of Campus Emergency Responders (NCCER) held in late February at Queen's University.

[snipped}

The challenge included seven scenarios - among them, second-degree burns, drug overdoses and a dog attack. The first-place team, Give'er, received a trophy and medals at an evening award ceremony. The Trent team was also recognized by the Association of Campus Emergency First Response Teams (ACERT) for its groundbreaking work.

[snipped again]

Weekend competitors included Shanon Gasser, Matthew Martin, and Andrew Marchand on the team Tongue Studs, and Jay Malandrino, Sara Holmes, and Kris Harrop as team Give'er.

There's a picture of a smiling Sara with her teammates in the linked article. To paraphrase the proud source of this news: we are all in good, safe hands with Sara. Congratulations, Sara! We're all very proud of you!

Dog attacks - huh? I'll have to ask Sara about this next time I see her.

More modifications have been made to my tiny apartment: a thermostat was replaced so now all four heaters are working just fine; a range hood with a light was installed. I think that's all that was outstanding. Oh. Except for the very difficult to open entrance door.

And more work has gone into the newest blog project. It's out for review by the blogger and now I'm going to wind down for the night.

BTW if you see my son tell him I've sent him email and I'm awaiting a reply. Merci beaucoups.

I just realized that I missed a medical appointment yesterday. Oops. They haven't called to enquire as to the reasons. I'll call them tomorrow. I have no excuse except that I haven't been looking at my planner because there's been nothing planned for a while. It was just a monthly "how ya doing" check in. The doctor in question is leaving the clinic at the end of the month so it's doubtful that I'll get another chance to see him. Flying solo for a while won't be too bad.

I have spoken to the son and he is not in stealth mode as was originally thought. No, he's been ill poor baby. Anyway, the hunt can be called off now.

Today was the obligatory two steps backward in the pain continuum. Even after I folded and took the codeine it's still been a pain filled day. Early to bed for me. And why not, really? The only thing that's going to interfere will be not being comfortable in a prone position, in which case I'll poke around on the blogs again. One blog actually. But not mine. It's a surprise (as if you couldn't guess!)

I've discovered that the St. Vincent de Paul store here is a great place for browsing and finding cool stuff. Their stock moves fairly quickly, so there's usually something new. My walk today was there and back with a stop to pick up some milk at a convenience store.

Another sunny day. Yay.

Less than zero news from the Wee Space. (27 days to go until Fusion Day)

My head is discumbobulated by recent news items. Specifically the legal and political battles taking place in Terri Schiavo's family dispute about whether a feeding tube stays out (currently) or is put back yet again.

Seriously, if Terri's husband and parents could agree, or her husband was recognized as sole legal guardian whose decisions are not up for debate, she would not be the centre of the "right to life / right to die" circus of the moment. And from what little we have heard, he has been trying to do what he believes she would have wanted which is to not be kept alive with her current quality of life.

Here's how my head discumbobulated itself. A review of commonly understood laws on the subjects of taking and supporting life in what we like to think of as the civilized world (Canada and the US for discussion purposes):

• Killing of another human being is a crime for which there are severe punishments, if the perpetrator is a civilian. (Governments can legally kill during war; some still condone capital punishment.)
  
• Capital punishment when it does take place is fairly humane - nobody is starved to death by the government.
  
• Taking your own life is a crime - although if you succeed you will not be legally punished.
  
• A terminally ill person can legally refuse life-sustaining treatment.
  
• Assisting a terminally ill person in their wish to end their life is currently illegal but is now being debated in some courts.
  
• Withholding the necessities of life from a dependant (child, disabled adult, elderly person) is a crime and severely punished.
  
• Maltreatment of animals, including starvation, is likewise a crime, although not as severely punished.
  
• Equipment sustaining a severely brain-damaged human can be legally removed subject to medical and ethical board review.
  
• Doctors take an oath to do no harm.(Not a law exactly, but morally relevant IMO)

So how's your head now?

The illogical outcome that results from legally removing Terri's feeding tube is that she is left to starve to death - while under medical care. This trips me up pretty badly. Starving is a slow and painful death I hear. Surely this pain is a "harm"?

I've let all this bump around in my head for a while and it still never looks quite "right" - you know?

Aid agencies globally are working to prevent numbers of unfortunate people on this planet from ending their lives this way. And yet, here "we" are sentencing a human to die "naturally" in the same objectionable manner. My sensibilities are deeply offended by this situation.

Surely our civilized part of the planet can do better by people in Terri's unfortunate condition. I'm not taking issue with the decision to finally let her die. Not at all. Even though the battles (and headlines) have all been about that decision. and who will make it. What sickens me is that I have heard no reports that anything is being done in the way of pain relief during her final days. (For that matter, why does she have to go through two weeks' of dying?)

I have to believe that medications are being administered (legally or not) to alleviate Terri's suffering and this little fact has been under-reported. Please let this be true.

I am relieved to have found some additional perspectives concerning the Terri Schiavo case online today. The New England Journal of Medicine has posted Terri Schiavo -- A Tragedy Compounded (pdf) in their words: to inform the current debate about decisions at the end of life...

If you've been as disturbed as I was by the news snippets it's worth a read. The article is both illuminating and comforting due to the authority with which the author speaks and the human perspective he brings to the upsetting subject manner. If the media had presented a balanced perspective and the special political interests had not exploited Terri's story, there probably wouldn't be more than a short mention in the legal news now and then.

Along with his recap of the medical events and evidence available he reminds everyone that the legal issue to be decided is not what Terri's husband and other family members would like for themselves but what Terri would want were she in a position to express her own wishes.

My offended sensibilities calmed themselves somewhat after I read this:

If and when her feeding tube is permanently removed, her family may be reassured that dying in this way can be a natural, humane process (humans died in this way for thousands of years before the advent of feeding tubes).

[ end note: 25 more days to fusion ]

Somewhere I heard that it takes 30 days to replace one habit with another. Since I'll have at least that long before I'm ready to be gainfully employed (or volunteering somewhere) the time may be right for me to ditch my windows habit.

I already know my printer is supported on RH 9. But I'm not sure about the scanner software from HP nor the Adobe Photoshop software that came with it several years ago.

I have discovered the WINE project (www.winehq.org) and now am thinking this may be the answer. Anybody out there have any experiences with WINE and HP and Adobe Photoshop software - or know anyone who has? If so, I'd appreciate a heads up before I start mucking with it.

As soon as my blog projects are completed, I'll be ready to try out a Windows-free environment.

If comments are closed before you find this posting and you want to respond, please send email (jch AT proba dot tive dot org). Thanks.

I've been exploring the world of blogging software... looking for a replacement for MT (I'm tired of fighting with it and we won't be getting any new features since they've changed their free status for the newer versions - bastards.)

Now I'm just plain frustrated by the fact that I don't have access to the database that most of the acceptable alternatives need even though it's running on the server that is so generously hosting my blog.

So I'm considering one that doesn't need an external db (Pivot). It's not bad, all things considered. But I'm interested in trying out WordPress and Nucleus as well - before I decide, you know?

I've sent mail to the mysteriously not-blogging maintainer of the server and await (as patiently as I can) the final ruling on db access for the likes of myself.

I think I'll write my own blogging application one of these days, too. And it'll have a killer db structure that won't need the installer/administrator to ask for mysql privileges either - so there!

[24 days until Fusion now]

[just so I don't forget: 23 days remaining...]

Actually, one (albeit rather dim) lightbulb went on today for me and the fact of only 23 days remaining (until Fusion Day) was the catalyst. Well, that and the discouragement I was enjoying (?) around my seeming inability to get things done in what I consider a timely fashion. I used to be pretty timely and now I am timeless - in a manner of speaking.

Today's reflection on the strange day yesterday was contributed to the illuminations. What was strange about yesterday? Firstly, I didn't realize until very late that the only thing I'd ingested had been coffee - so I had some potato chips because anything else seemed way too challenging an undertaking. Secondly, I had more strange dreams (tangling with a lion and finally becoming buddies with him) while I tossed and turned in response to the lack of comfort my body was experiencing (aka pain).

I was making coffee after doing a sinkful of dishes when I was pounced upon by this realization: either due to pain and sleeplessness or the remedy for these, my brain is generally operating at about half its customary capacity and (there's more) I am functional for about half a day. Which really means only a quarter of what I try to get done (or remember :-) actually gets started and/or finished. This also explains why things that I still estimate to be small tasks loom large on the horizon.

For some reason this made me feel better for a moment. Because now that I understand what the distortion is caused by, I can plan to accomodate it. This means that the seeming luxury of 23 days to get prepared for surgery now feels like just barely enough time. Aha!

Tip of the Day: A whistling kettle won't if the lid is less than snugly in place. This is important in my little place. When I realized that it had been on for a while and corrected the lid problem it started violently whistling. I quickly removed it and put water in the tea mug. By the time I returned the kettle to the burner, the heat that had been let loose by removing it had set off the finicky smoke detector. This doesn't normally happen when I'm making tea. It usually complains if I burn the toast or open the oven all at once when it is over 400°F inside. My theory is that it was because the water had boiled much too long and the burner was (for once) very hot. All because the whistle didn't.

Quite the exciting day, huh?

I spoke to both of my babies today and wished them a Happy Easter. That was much more fun than the rest of my boring day. Neither of them have read all the emails I've sent in the past week. What's a mother to do? I think we need a new flag for email addresses. One that says "This one is from your mother - read it dammit!"

Or, an email domain that only mothers can subscribe to and which can only be used to send mail to offspring. That'd work too.

Yeah, yeah. I'm logging off now.

Blah. Cloudy most of today. Which made it cooler inside as well. Got out for a short walk. More dishes washed (because I cooked once today - yay me!). Fielded all kinds of thoughts and reminders to myself most of the day. Thought about making a list and then got distracted (a very easy thing for me these days) investigating law school information. Just in case I luck into one next year (or even the year after?)

No strange dreams last night. But not a lot of real deep sleep either. Waking up in pain is not conducive to leaping out of bed (well, not unless the pain is extremely severe as it was 9 years ago when the original painful incident attacked me).

Hardly seems like nine years has gone by. I guess when life speeds up time feels different. I know when it slows down a week feels like a long time. One of these days I'll get it rolling normally again. At least that's the hope once the neck has been "done". Yeah, I'm having a neck job. Ha ha. Not really funny, I know... sorry.

In the first 8 months of the year back then I:
- worked on a cool and fun software project (can't say I have since)
- went to Tax Court to argue about my assessment (and sort of won but ... not exactly: many thousands of unpaid taxes came immediately due)
- (did the best I could but) failed to revive a newborn
- was off work for four months with my bad disc attack
- got not one but two job offers in the States
- purchased a house in Virginia
- left my son in Ottawa to fend for himself along with the great bunch of friends I'd worked and socialized with for over a decade
- moved my daughter, three cats and dog to Virginia (for the record she told me she hated me every single day for four months - daughter that is, the animals were contented)
- didn't miss the snow (or Revenue Canada) one bit, but did miss seeing my son

Life has just gotten busier and busier each year after that. Until the stress finally benched me and then by the liver and neck took advantage of the situation. Just in case I was thinking of jumping back into the fray.

The current retreat from the world is just a little lull for regrouping as far as I'm concerned.

[AND... only 22 days to go until Fusion Day - I'd better get some lists made tomorrow]

"Here Comes The Sun" --- today was incredibly warm (relatively speaking, of course and in Ottawa, of course).

A banner day for this hermit as well:
- up at a normal time for a change (credit currently given to a change in medications and actually managing to get my tensed up muscles to relax before I hit the sack last night)
- lists have been made (and added to when a brain flash hits)
- a couple of bills paid (after a bit of a panic when I realized my cheque book wasn't where I'd blissfully believed it to be after all!)
- a letter written to my new landlord (read my lease in detail last night and honestly, I believe landlords in Ontario should have to go to landlord school and get a license --- why not? they're in business, right? And.. the licensing fees should be used to beef up property standards enforcement - have you walked around my part of the city lately?)
- a couple of refills of drugs ordered
- fed at least twice
- out for a walk (the local used goods store yielded a book about Katharine Hepburn - my hero and the Herb agreed to let me buy some veggies and cream - nice of them)
- passed by the flower stand (the only stand in the market at the moment) and couldn't resist a small pot of daffodils (not yet bloomed, but hopefully they'll perform their magic before my 3 weeks are up)

[Yes, three weeks remaining in the countdown to Fusion]

Not me. I have no freaking idea anymore what, if anything, influences the goodness or lack of goodness of my days. I'm talking mental goodness here, not anything external happening at this point. Except maybe weather. But that's it. Everything else is right inside my head.

I do have a theory now. Wanna hear it? Okay. I think what I eat may have something to do with how groggy I am in the morning. This has historically not been any kind of concern for me. But history is history and now is now. I have not historically had any liver concerns until this past year, either. Which lends a bit of credibility to this unproven and interesting theory of the moment.

I am being generous at the moment in presuming it is not sufficient that I expected a second good day to follow immediately on the heels of yesterday's good day and the universe is trying to teach me not to try to tell IT what to do.

Today has been a banner day of the opposite sort from yesterday (so far):
- woke at 11 am (I hate it when that happens)
- fought my urge to go straight back to sleep
- had coffee (which usually brings my brain back to at least 1/2 of normal)
- decided to check the mailbox and, it being such a nice weather day (it is - again) went out without my coat
- upon leaving double checked that I wasn't about to lock myself out (one of the two locks on the door will let you do this)
- as soon as the door shut realized I had indeed managed to do what I'd really tried not to
- found the construction guys here to do some minor stuff in the two about to be rented apartments
- found that they no longer have keys to my place
- found that they could and did let me use their cell phone to call the landlord
- found the landlord on the other end of the phone (instead of a voice mailbox)
- only had to wait a half hour for him to help me and spent that visiting with the construction guys and another tenant
- cleaned the lock box and put it out on my bike so this will never happen again
- washed the dishes and am right now having a second cup of alertness and contemplating what I can do that only requires 1/2 a brain (good thing I made those lists - huh?)

Got email back from my extremely busy son this morning. (I think I've been a pest lately with my mission to get a blog up for my daughter. I know I have been and now it appears I have managed to miscommunicate. Yikes! Sorry Mike.)

[20 days to go]

Not long ago this morning, Ms Schiavo died. As difficult as this was for members of Terri's family, I suspect battling publicly and privately over the momentous decision to let her go was more so. Many sympathies to all who loved her.

The Washington Post's article includes two items on the second page that in my opinion bear discussion and publicity.

In the right-to-life-at-any-price debate the media coverage could have been more balanced with a simple "ask the audience" reality check. A survey done recently did provide a glimpse at the big picture:

An ABC News poll issued March 21 showed that the public supported the removal of Terri Schiavo's feeding tube by 63 percent to 28 percent. ... Nearly eight in 10 Americans (78 percent) said they would not want to be kept alive if they were in Schiavo's condition.

So did ABC change its coverage tactics? Hopefully they didn't do the poll just fishing for some stats to bolster their participation in the media circus. But even if they didn't like what the numbers told them, it looks like most Americans were tired of the whole thing - why keep reporting on it?

In a curious twist it's only been the past few days that reports have included background on what caused Terri's vegetative state. To say she suffered heart failure is technically correct but omits relevant background information, information that might save other lives as a cautionary tale:

By the time she suffered cardiac arrest in 1990, she was down to 110 pounds. The heart attack was later attributed to a dramatically reduced potassium level in her body brought on by bulimia, an eating disorder.

No doubt there's much more to this troubled life than we can know or understand. If her story helps others with eating disorders get help then some good will have come of her tragic experience after all.