proba tive org archives

This, the latest version of my voice on the web is getting scarily close to what I wanted.

Something is still not kosher somewhere, since when I was testing things out with a very close approximation of the published index.html my fonts are/were smaller and the boxes lined up much more nicely than they do here. Bah.

Time for food and some other chores.

Got it fingered out just fine now.

Some work to be done on the comments listing and the archives and... yeah, yeah.

Good enough for rock 'n roll, though. Finally!

This was going to be a health care rant, but the energy escapes me, for the moment, at least.

'Better living through chemistry' as my friend Tom is wont to say. True enough at times. And the shorter the time the better, IMO.

So, today, when the busy pharmacist at Costco knew me by name, I was appropriately concerned about my health care providers methods.

Woke to a black sky and white ground. Snowing. The view from my basement apt windows these past couple of years has provided yet another perspective on winter in Canada.

If you are wondering about the name of my site, please wonder only briefly. When this space was offered to me the first thing I was charged with was naming the domain. The only restriction was it had to end in .tive.org Some of the choices I might have made were already spoken for and some of those were and are very appropriately named by their authors. This smelled like a challenge to me.

proba.tive reflected the part of me that anticipates not being believed and fit nicely with both a resurrected interest in a legal education and a desire to share my astonishing adventures vis a vis tenant rights and the authorities charged with overseeing and enforcing these here in Kingston, Ontario, Canada. At least that is the immediate starting point.

I've been reading the web logs of other folks for a while now and find it often interesting and wonderfully spam-free. My strange life has placed me far away from my supportive friends as well and it was getting difficult to recall to whom I had related what in my sporadic mailings.

Besides, I hate bothering folks almost as much as I hate being ignored. Two birds with this stone: my friends can keep up to date with my life if and when they are inclined and I am blissfully not anticipating a response.

And who knows? Maybe someone out there will find my musings and shared experiences helpful. Or at the least a-musing. I can only hope.

Yesterday was International Women's Day as you all know (right?) I hope someday it is marked in a similar fashion to the honours and celebrations that national and religious holidays are given every where. If and when that happens, our global community will have begun to treat us as the essential citizens we truly are. That will be a joyful time.

Here and now, things ain't always as joyful as one might expect after [several] millenia of evolution and progress. In fact, they are downright troubled. Some thoughts from the trenches are mentioned in this article.

[ I just realized that not everyone will have the background to set the article above in context. Here's some for you. ]

Hey there. My blog has a new title thanks to my friend, and former NC workmate, Jan.

Which brings to mind another former workmate's first thought when, after a couple of decades of non-communication, she saw my name on her phone: "The Janice Halligan Talk Show". [Hi Tami!]

I laughed when she told me this because my newest friend, Larissa, and new medical support teams here in Kingston all told me I talked a lot. But I didn't experience myself any differently than before. I was under a lot of stress, though, and was willing to admit the possibility that this perceived trait was an indication of a problem. I started to wonder about my extra-talkativeness.

Until two things happened: I visited my son and his friends and was gratified to hear them discoursing extremely quickly, too. And I met with another friend who assured me he found me "no odder" than I had been when we worked together. I didn't even ask why he thought I was odd in the first place - my concerns that I may have become more odd had been answered. [Thanks, Rob... I think?]

The conclusion I have reached: people should listen faster.

The adjustment to the look of my site is the result of a light-bulb going on when I asked Mike if it looked okay. He rightly noted that he didn't know what it was supposed to look like. Aha.

I got my 2nd PC connected and took a look. Yikes! Not what I'd intended at all. Sheesh. I was the victim of a monitor and display card snafu: one PC had a good card but very tired monitor (darkly so). The other, an excellent monitor but a potentially screwed up display card --- it has horizontal shadows wherever there are darker than surrounding colours. Hardware - what a pain. (Yes, this morning I swapped them, so all the problems are on one system: kidneys, eh?)

I'll adjust the picture of Mike soon - he's not really from Mars.

I'm weary due to elusive and erratic sleep.

And wary because I was sickened on so many levels by a recent news broadcast. There was no warning so that I could avoid it, should I have chosen and I think I would have chosen that - some things just aren't worth knowing immediately. Or maybe ever. Or maybe only when you are in the right frame of mind and only I can decide when that might be.

This I find more disturbing than anything the entertainment industry has presented to date (and that I have seen or read). Because it's not fiction. And it really doesn't affect my daily life, except in that it has extended the limits of my understanding of humanity's capacity for depravity and downright evil.

And in the media's zeal to scoop each other, apparently the thought of warning others was overlooked or ignored. It's extremely difficult for me to believe someone in the chain of hands through which news flows wasn't concerned about the emotional impact.

If I am disturbed (and I believe my readers will be as well), I wonder how children, especially sensitive, precocious ones who may have been watching alone, have been affected.

I'm not watching any more news programs for a while. I think the CRTC should step in and reprimand the network forthwith.

If you haven't figured out which story I am talking about, and want to know, a link is in the 'continued' part of this posting.

I'm going to try to put it all out of my mind now.

[WARNING: extremely disturbing content involving human remains]
Click here.

I'm just about done in for the week. It's been a full one and tiring and slightly productive. Remember my news rant? Well, later that day, Netscape decided to lose almost all of my carefully collected bookmarks, including the news sites (not CTV, BTW).

Yep, all that's left is everything up to and including the first 4 bookmark folders. BLEH. It's apparently a KNOWN problem (not that I have the energy to find it again, but there's one that has had all of the bookmarks problems consolidated into one report) that has been around for at least a year. Even though the obvious work-around (to me, anyway) would be a simple n+(say 2 or 3) backup file written when a user changes the bookmarks in any way that would take, oh, 20 minutes to write and test --- ??

I'm tired because the antibiotics I am on (second round) are wearing my system down and because my upstairs neighbours' dog becomes more and more insane as the days pass. (Nothing shorter than knee-high should be properly called a dog, anyway)

Despite all of these internal and external hurdles, I have made a modicum of progress with respect to the assemblage of documentation and evidence to file with officialdom regarding the lack of maintenance and other problems here in my slum.

Today is Day 13 of the Pay No Rent Event (because paying for what you're not getting just gives the wrong message).

Coincidentally, it was March 2003 that I staged my first Pay No Rent Event. I have been to the Rental Tribunal twice since then. Both times summoned by my landlord trying to evict me. It's a long story which will be in the Demons section of the site soonishly.

Today I have been doing ridiculously silly things with the recordings (evidence, people) from my Sony MD. Despite the USB link, I am not able to upload data that I have recorded with a mic. Why? Well, because I didn't download it from some blah blah database and it knows that. So, I am re-recording the stuff in real-time through my audio card. DUH indeed. (I'm hoping someone figures out a hack for this problem soon.)

Gotta run - L&O is on.

Hey, you guys up yet? I've been up and enjoying the quietude. First inside my little hovel and then out for a walk before the streets got busy.

I'm back and have a bit of 'splaining to do regarding the relatively uneventful journal entries to date. If you were expecting action adventure stories, you'll have to be a little bit patient: the past year's 'adventure' has been pretty well internal.

Although the meditation on my journey thus far and search for significance and meaning (presuming there is some =^) is nearing an end, there are still parts of my new perspective that do not yet feel settled or completely unfolded, so to speak. So, that will come later.

A year ago, I was so (burned out, exhausted, stressed) that I couldn't concentrate enough to read. I wasn't sure I was sane, either. Bummer.

But now: my head is back. I knew that for sure when I started earnestly working on this web site about a week ago. I started emacs to edit a stylesheet and, after a few minutes, found my fingers remembering things I hadn't used in a couple of years. Even weird shit, like marking, cutting and pasting!

My body is still recovering, but I am now ready to pursue the medical care I need. A known but as yet unrepaired injury results in pain for which I am taking medications. Far too many in my opinion.

My current living situation is not conducive to rest and rehabilitation. This will be addressed shortly, too. First up is the landlord battle. Then a much needed vacation on a nice warm beach. Followed by the search for better accomodations. Things I wasn't about to take on without my head in the game. One thing at a time and all that...

There's a health care rant pending, but today is about advertising and in particular a bit of humourous false advertising. Keep reading!

When I first saw this item, I was intrigued. First by the concept of steel soap. Here's something Mike and Tyla don't already have, I thought. But then, I was struck by what at first appeared to be truth in advertising. I bought it for its intrigue and humour. And it might work... I haven't tried it yet. But every time I look at it, I smile and that may be where its real worth lies.

Did you catch the humour?

The last word in the 4th bullet in the english description sounds like it would cover the company in the event of consumer dissatisfaction. How could you complain, after all, if it said right on the package that it was "unusable"? Brilliant strategy.

But I thought there was something more to it.

Turns out this is really an amusing example of the problems with bilingual advertising. The product is made in France. The french language version of the description lists "inusable" in the 4th bullet, last word. En francais, "user" means "to wear out" or "to use". So, "inusable" means you cannot wear it out or "hard-wearing".

The product was made for and imported by a company in Quebec. I suspect that is where the translation turned truthful into false advertising. I found it wonderfully humourous. I know. I am odd, but at least I'm having fun with my oddness. I'm not sure everyone can say that.

Larousse helped me unearth the details - my french is only just good enough for me to know something was amiss.

Seems my slum is getting a new lord.

Yesterday a note, sans letterhead or address information, was placed under the doors of the apartments in my building. It says it is from our new landlords and gives their names and office phone and cell phone. It doesn't say when this was or will be effective. It mentions the (current?) management company and owners of the property by name, advising that they "will no longer be involved with this building".

Oh boy! New twists and complications. Glad I was already preparing for a Rental Tribunal hearing this month. I suspect, since no effort has been made to collect my rent for March, that these new folks are taking over effective April 1st. Hopefully the hearing will be over by then.

A note was under my door when I got back from errands saying that the new folks had been here to collect the rent. They want me to call them. I'm going to get some advice before I do.

Spam is now pissing me off. I was able to ignore the ever-increasing and irrelevant offers that attempted to cash in on feelings that my member was inferior. Along with the creative spellings, even.

But today I received cigarette spam. Whoa. Now my militant non-smoking side is ticked. How dare they!?

A humourous little story for my Irish family and friends - and those who wish they were (Irish that is). I found it here (but not linkable).

The Irish Countess

Lura, the Countess of Killarney, was on a world tour with her husband, the Count. They were staying at an Intourist hotel on the edge of the Ural Mountains and were scheduled to begin an escorted horseback tour of the area early the next morning.

Lura had developed a good tan a month earlier on the beach at Nice, but now she noticed that it was beginning to fade. Not having anything scheduled after lunch, she took a blanket and wandered off in search of a secluded spot where she could touch up the tan a bit.

Unfortunately, Lura failed to realize that at high altitudes the rays of the sun were much more damaging than at sea level. Even worse, she fell asleep. She awoke, feeling rather uncomfortable.

Dressing gingerly, she limped back to the hotel to have her husband assess the damages and the prospects for the morrow. After one look he delivered his verdict: .... "Tour all Ural, Lura? Too raw, Lura. Lie."

The Irish .... An English-piquing people.

I love my desk calendar for advice such as today's. (title of this post)

I woke hungry today. A good sign. Perhaps because I finished the antibiotics yesterday. One less chemical - hurray.

I did get some more powerful pain killers from my doc's after-hours clinic last night. This is another good/bad trade off. Good: I slept and rested better than I have in a while. Bad: the condition causing the pain needs immediate attention. (Look at me NOT ranting - see what some sleep will do?)

It snowed all over Kingston last night. But the sun is up and shining. I am about to head out on a walk during which I will mail a card to my niece, Kerry Halligan, because today is her 25th birthday. Happy Birthday, Kerry! (You really should have tried harder to be born yesterday, what? =^).

When I get back I'll be deep into the mountain of evidence again. My target for filing my application with the Tribunal is this Friday. Yikes, that's tomorrow isn't it? Hmm.... how about Monday? Yeah, that's a better deal.... they're not going to do much with it over the weekend. Good rationalization, IMO. Monday it is, then.

Must be the spring thaw that's bringing the roaches out from under the rocks. Makes me wonder though: Can the whole lot of government officials and underlings be 'let go' so we can start again? Please?

Immigration is the latest blight.

In better news: After having been excessively restless and unfocussed and therefore relatively unproductive (IMO) yesterday, I crashed early and awoke at 5 am with no discernible pain.

Today, alternating keyboarding and short breaks is the management plan. Baby steps, as my daughter reminds me.

"Please try not to be such a wiener-head." - Dave Barry

I may have been wiener-headed today. I haven't decided yet. It might be an acute reaction to being surrounded by wiener-heads lately. At least that's what it feels like to me. Is it contagious, I wonder?

Maybe it's me. Maybe not.
Hope it passes. Soon.

No more wiener-headedness. Promise?

Bi-Weekly Wiener-Heads List (in no particular order):

-> message with clarification that it was not a threat or intimidation
-> unsubstantiated claims of changed slumlordship and building ownership
-> people uncomfortable with opinion and/or perception different from theirs
-> doctor suggesting faster access to physio possible at private clinic *
-> supposed landlord trampling tenants' actual rights
-> Ontario Rental Housing Tribunal non-help(ful) 800 line
-> message telling me to "get a lawyer, you'll need one" **

* 5 months into an 8 month waiting list at universal hospital clinic
** I hung up on caller who wouldn't identify his business

I really don't like it when things don't make sense. So, yesterday I tracked down facts to illuminate the decidely unsettling developments of the previous week regarding management of my building.

This involved: searching the public records (resolving a descrepancy that had temporarily injected confusion and uncertainty), querying the Rental Tribunal's information office (barely useful responses to the most critical questions) and, finally, consulting my legal advisor (which produced useful and mirthful facts 'continued' below).

After brief visits with a couple of friends (and a bit of venting I admit), it was time to let the implications of the new facts sink in. The addition of another landlord-type entity demanded a rethinking of my approach.

This morning a scathingly brilliant game plan came into focus for me. It fits all of the known facts and advice I received yesterday and, very important, adheres to my no bullshit resolution of a few years ago, the making of which changed my life in unanticipated but (hopefully) constructive ways.

The more I think about the new plan the better it looks. The long-term results should be positive for the building and the tenants. Precisely what I have been fighting for for a year and a half.

This part is roll-on-the-floor humourous and (almost) unbelievable.

I was showing him the notice we received announcing the new landlord (complete with my assessment that it was crap), when my legal guy told me this person is one of his clients. Whoa! Who's writing this script anyway?

Shit. Shit. Shit. Understandably, he can no longer help me. I did get straight answers to questions of fact, however, confirming my instincts that some misrepresentations had taken place. Also, the name of another advisor.

All in all, an unpredictable and ultimately helpful turn of events. It is comforting to know that one of the respondents to my proceeding will be advised by the only honourable person involved thus far. Not counting myself, of course.

I am just about ready to give up on western medical theories and practice. The antibiotics ran out a little while ago but the bug has not been thwarted. I have enlisted Oil of Oregano to fight this fight with me now. (Tastes bad. Works good. No doctor's visit needed.)

I'd like my pharmacist to be a stranger, so I also eliminated one Rx and started the weaning process for another. I want to see how (who?) I am without them.

So far, my head (who?) is fine. How I am is really tired. Feels like this has been the case forever. But it's really just been a few months now. Irritating though, because I have lots of things I want to do with my now operational brain in gear.

My sleep cycle is out of whack (a side-effect of the chemical removal) which accounts for some of my energy deficiency. The apartment is also in extra cool mode, which can't be helping.

The light at the end of this tunnel is that I actually get to see a couple of doctors next week. Hurray. (I know what I said earlier.... but I did say just about - right?)

In other drug-related news: Health Canada marijuana hit the wires this week. Remember, though: your drugs are only as good as your dealer.

My system is mounting a defence now. A wussy one, unfortunately. This low-grade fever crap doesn't do the job. Silly body, this tactic has been tried for months without success!

The fever does go away when I am on the slightly effective antibiotics, but apparently the bug does not. Now I debate whether to get more antibiotics or wait until I see the doc next week. This sucks.

I will find something else to post about later in the day. Promise. In fact ... I think Michael has requested one, has he not? Glad you're doing better, sweetie.

Remedies have been installed, including homeopathic aid for sinus nonsense and codeine for the incipient migraine. The low barometric pressure festival we're having is a trigger for those.

I am prescribing physical work, specifically, reorganizing (for the umpteenth time) my storage locker. Grunt work with very little need for anything but time. It's also indoors, so the rain forecast won't matter and it gets me out of this apartment. Great idea, oui?

During the summer, when my head was stalled, I discovered the Stupid Computer Game. A diversion with addictive potential. It was a good way to gauge the status of my head. Once, way back then, I got to level 7 with a score of 2800. Today: level 3. Drugs'll do that. And illnesses and tiredness.

Warning: it's not very well designed (or coded?). I know that. Sometimes the results don't follow the logic I intuitively expect. But it's there and it's a challenge.

You know that little "feed a fever / starve a cold" (or vice versa) saying? Yeah, that one - the one I can never remember which way is right. Have you noticed that you never ask this when you have a fever? I don't. Because fever's aren't hungry. So this is just about the stupidest saying there could be.

I hereby rewrite it to: "Have to ask? Don't eat."

I had so much good exercise that when I got home (hours ago, don't worry, I wasn't out there that long) my fever was higher. Maybe I managed to kill some of those little germ things.

I know I said I'd post a story about the games and stuff, but I really think I should not have a fever when I do so. Sorry. But I think it'll be worth the wait.

After my second round of storage shuffle (aided by Jigglypig! =) on Saturday, I crashed big time: slept from 5:30pm until after 8am Sunday. Good, I thought. I probably needed that.

Sunday was such a beautiful day I had to get out and enjoy it. In the afternoon, I set out on foot to window shop and people watch downtown. The return leg is uphill and I wasn't feeling energetic at all. This walk is almost a daily thing (at least since the ice melted) and usually I complete it without concerted effort. Yesterday, not stopping for a rest was a large accomplishment. Not so good, I thought. I should take it easy until I see my doctors - soon.

Today, I am grumpy and exhausted, having done the astounding tasks of eating, showering, resting and doing laundry. I managed to stay standing at the econo wash and was looking forward to flopping down with some tea and a book upon my return to the apartment when Murphy struck:

My remarkably well-behaved and cuddly companion had become a devil cat in my brief absence. I am sure she didn't actually mean to harm them, but she knocked my finally-about-to-bloom African violets off the windowsill. Like I needed this. I can't make them wait, so I'll be trying to save the poor things before I get to flop down with my tea and book.

And, oh, just to make things more interesting, the low tech humidifying system I had on the radiator went down with the violets. That would be the three pots of water. Everything landed on and beside the shelves that are temporarily right beside the window. Oh, yes, it just had to be messy!

Oops. My PC's clock has been slowing down for a while now. I didn't have time to figure out if it was some wonky sw I'd loaded (for free!) or whether it was actually the battery, so I did a sw workaround and installed an app to synchronize my machine every 1/2 hour or so (another freebie).

That was a few months ago. The machine and I have been happy until this week when the synchronizing app and I crossed words and it decided to run only once at startup. As my clock slowed more and more, I remembered that I'd forgotten to fix the real problem. And then I realized (after my mail to you, Mike, sorry about that!) that this was more than just annoying, what with misstamping email messages and the like: I was looking at impending PC doom.

Unlike the other dooms that have settled on my head lately, this doom I foresaw in time to do something about. Because I am allergic to hw, I will be certain to write down every little piece of the BIOS configuration before replacing the battery.

Trust noone. Especially hardware.

[ Last thought: Why can't the O/S gain access to the BIOS settings so I can print the damn thing instead of writing them down by hand? Wait a minute.... maybe there's something (free!) out there that can do that for a Dell Dimension with Windows 98? What are the chances? I'll look but very briefly, because I doubt its existence - hardware people just love doing this kind of thing to sw folks. They're like that. ]

Okay, I didn't find anything except the BIOS print screen. Slow but good enough. I guess.

Another thought: Why can't I change the battery without losing all of the BIOS anyway? Just a little capacitor, with say enough juice for, oh, an hour or so. Just for the changing of the battery. Seriously. Any hw guys listening?

It's been quite a day today. Medical news and landlord news abound.

Early this morning the dermatologist prescribed antibiotic cream and advised me to reduce the stress in my life. "Find your karma and follow it." A couple of hours later, my family doctor said "You look a little yellow". I told her I felt a little yellow. Blood tests have been ordered to help narrow down the cause of my liver not livering enough. She suspects my 8 year long regimen of naproxen sodium for the herniated discs in my neck has compromised my poor liver. That's all I know right now. She'll have more to say after the tests are back. And then ... ?

I am no longer ingesting Aleve. Instead I now anticipate pain. Oh, and I wasn't really feeling much stress in my life except for the debilitating effects of having no energy. So perhaps once this obstacle has been conquered, my skin will return to its normal happy self as well.

Luckily, I was ready to push for a neurological consult and diagnostics related to getting my neck permanently repaired. I had called the neuro guy in Ottawa who saw me back in '96 but he needs a referral from my GP to schedule me an appt. The earliest estimate was July. This is apparently a much shorter wait than I would have in Kingston. My GP will be scheduling an MRI and EMG test of nerve function to go along with me when I do see the neuro.

At least I may get some relief this year. In which case I won't need any Christmas gifts at all. This will be the best gift I've had in a long long time. One that will make the next 50 years a lot more adventuresome than they'd been starting to look. But I am not going to count my kayaks and camping trips with the new dog I plan to adopt until the actual thing is done, so to speak.

My only other source of stress was my landlord situation. Some of you have some idea of how the past year and half has gone. I went to the new landlords apartment building to pay the rent and deliver a letter I'd finally decided would be my first response to the occurances of these past couple of weeks. I found a no-nonsense down-to-earth professional sounding manager who told me he (and perhaps others) had invested in the property and would be doing things without a property management team in the middle. I walked away having been hugged and told that he wanted me to relax and be happy.

Knowing his phone numbers are good 24/7 was a big help. So, that stress is changing - things are being done around here. I included the fact that I'd noticed these things already in the very long letter I gave him explaining my position as a tenant. Finally, rope that doesn't have to be pushed.

The most stressful things now are waiting for the blood test results and trying to figure out how to allieviate the insanely distracting whole body itch that my malfunctioning liver has caused. I am going to try Benadryl to quell it, but I'm open to suggestions anyone has. Especially people who've been through this.