Friday September 9, 2005
For those who are interested, the comment made by "L" to an earlier post went undetected by myself until today. It took a couple of days for me to drive to London to speak with "L" personally. I had no access to the internet during that time and for some reason no email reached me about a new comment.
I trust that the people who know me know that my character has not changed and will not change regardless with whom I am relating. For this reason I am having difficulty with my initial thoughts of deleting the comment. I did say I welcomed public and private communications after all. I abhor inconsistency (read: hypocrisy) in myself as much as others.
Leaving it there without mounting a defense will hopefully not be interpreted as any sort of agreement with the assessments made. I may be a bit naive in this respect, but I will go with that for the moment. Much of the comment consists of speculation about my motivations and feelings followed by arguments against the "rightness" of attributed thought processes. Where would a rational response possibly begin?
In any case, the point continues to be missed and may forever be. I will make this last attempt at clarification: My reactions, including waiting to speak to "L" in person as soon as I could, were triggered by, but were definitely not the result of, one recent incident. All communications I have received privately and publicly - save those from one other who knows more than most about the "rest of the story" - seem to focus on this one visible sequence of reaction and action or non-action, in the case of my choice to communicate in person.
On to other things.
[Updated Sunday, September 11, 2005] [[update moved to comments below]]
[Updated Wednesday, September 14, 2005] Comments to this entry include all explantions I have to offer at this time regarding my changing and changing back my comment policy. Comments remain closed on this blog for obvious reasons. Sorry.
0) { ?>Sigh.
As I sit at my desk, I see a beautiful thank you card sent to me from my sister just a couple of months ago. It's really sweet, has a really touching message of thanks handwritten inside. Who could guess a lifetime of bitter acrimony lay seething just under the surface?
No one is more confused than me as to what you're on about. Now you're saying it's not about this incident?
It appeared, ( to those not inside your head ), that you threw a miff over not getting what you wanted when you wanted it. Your sense of entitlement seemed to include the right to direct how events unfolded, when, where, and with whom.
Now it would appear you are saying it's not about that.
What?
Colour me among the confused. I get that you felt hurt, I get that you felt excluded. But beyond offering you an apology I'm unsure what else I can do.
The best I can figure, at this point, is that it turns out that you have been keeping some sort of scorecard our whole lives. Aparently you have been reviewing it and have chosen to stew yourself in bitterness and acrimony over events 10, 20 even 30 yrs old. (The night before you married? Kept in the dark when Mom sprung Dad? Seriously?)
It would seem that I have come up lacking again and again. It appears you have yourself lathered and foaming about events in the distant past, I'm just guessing here, none of it makes much sense to me. I truly don't see how this can serve you.
I can honestly say that I have tried my whole life to be a good sister to you. And it hurts to think that you feel I have not done enough for you. I am not perfect, far, FAR from it, but I have done my best, if it's not enough so be it, it's still my best.
The people who love you cannot help but be unsettled with watching you go from loving to loathing at mach speed. It certainly stunned me.
Whenever the people who l love the most are trying to express something to me, I try not to discount it because it's not what I want to hear. I have to remind myself I know they love me and only have my best interests at heart, I try very hard to hear what they're saying over what I want to hear, or believe to be true.
I have loved you the best I know how for 49 yrs, I'm so sorry it wasn't enough for you. Who knows, perhaps I am all the evil things you've decided. I just hope I am never so foolish as to turn away from someone who truly loves me.
L
[ed: originally posted September 10, 2005 08:10 AM]
This is not a public forum, it is my personal space. Please find somewhere else to post your thoughts.
[ed: originally posted September 10, 2005 08:29 PM
Posted by: janice at September 14, 2005 05:32 AMYou need only stop making reference to me and I will disappear. POOF !
[ed: orginally posted September 10, 2005 11:40 PM
Posted by: Linda Halligan at September 14, 2005 05:32 AM[Updated Sunday, September 11, 2005] After some thought and consideration of blogging etiquette, I have deemed some recent comments to be in violation of my personal boundaries and have taken the liberty of deleting them... the one discussed here has been a victim of this change in policy as have others. For the time being, comments are closed on this blog.
[ed: this is the original update to the entry]
I did post a response to these vile lies and misrepresentations.
It has been deleted because this blogger, while inviting comment, doesn't want it posted unless it aligns with her significantly distorted world view.
Y'know, all my life I lived in fear of turning into my mother. Now it turns out it wasn't me I should have been afraid for.
Enjoy your bitterness, I got better things to do.
L
[ed: originally posted September 11, 2005]
Posted by: Linda Halligan at September 14, 2005 05:36 AM[Updated: Wednesday, September 14, 2005] I have reinstated all comments that had been removed, including the one that was posted after I'd removed comments I found to be objectionable. This last one has caused the considerations described in my post of September 11, 2005.
Today I will be moving this blog to Nucleus. Shortly after that, there will be more on this subject. When *I* am ready.
Posted by: janice at September 14, 2005 05:41 AM