Thursday August 26, 2004
More things than my stressed out brain can handle are going on now. Depression and/or anxiety. Take your pick.
During the chat with the liver guy, he said there were two kinds of people in my situation - those who want to wait and see how things are in the next couple of months and then, perhaps perform a biopsy and those who just want to know as soon as possible.
I told him I'd read about auto-immune hepatitis and it wasn't good news. He said they have very good success in treating it now. I said if I could control my mood better I could possibly handle more bad news. Which is when we discussed the mood chemicals and the pain control helpers that I've been doing without for the past several months.
Once he okayed those drugs, I agreed to a biopsy to find out. The devil you know vs the one you don't - right?
Further discussions of what the procedure entailed and the fact of at least two more trips from Ottawa to Kingston for me resulted in the agreement that my file would be sent to the specialist at the Ottawa Hospital. Much better sense, really and the doctor has great confidence in his Ottawa colleague.
The prospects of more bad news were juxtaposed with an inquiry regarding contract work. A formerly non-disclosed parameter was revealed and declined by moi: flying to San Jose for 2 weeks at a time. I told them at another time, when I wasn't having so many medical appointments, no problem.
'Course this sounded (to me) like the kiss of death for a potential work arrangement to be worked out. But NO. This (potential) project will require other supporting efforts here in Ottawa and we both agreed I could do that.
Some people are going on vacation and if there are questions I may be called directly. Or not if the potentiality dissolves....BUT I am not to worry if I don't hear from them until the following week when people are back from vacation.
Is it just me or are these guys starting to sound like I already work there?
And this IS ME: wondering how I'm going to get it together enough to work part-time within the next two weeks. My internal and external worlds are severely disorganized at the moment, casting doubts in my mind about my ability to even make the decision to accept the job and then to show up as expected (you know - with a brain that works.)
I do know I am much better around people and with specific tasks at hand. Still, I also know that I am usually much more confident, decisive and better at remembering things. All things I think they have a right to expect - non?
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