Tuesday June 1, 2004
(not my mood BTW, that would be gray on gray right now)
No, the title refers to the two days of searching for a black item that was placed on a black surface because I knew darn well that I'd need it. The sadly humourous part of this is that I searched everywhere: the car, every box of miscellaneous stuff I'd touched in the past month because I truly could not remember that I'd actually had the item in hand just a couple of days ago.
I'd almost decided I was indeed a total write-off, having been reckless enough to throw something so obviously necessary out or at the least losing it through inattention and was about to prostrate myself to the laughing gods of hardwaredom in a bid to find another (which no doubt is only supplied with the item for which this is a bracket for attachment).
And then, I happened to look in the right place and bingo! I'm not as hopeless as I thought. No indeed, I just need to remember not to camouflage things when I place them somewhere for safekeeping until I need them.
It is the first of the month and to my immense surprise the landlords did not attempt to collect the rent. The fact that I am surprised is a bit of a tip off to the kind of nutcases with whom I have become accustomed to dealing I suppose.
Today I consulted my new legal coach regarding the matter of the application for an abatement of rent. He is another of the shining counterpoints to the demonic groups I first encountered when I moved here late in the summer of 2002. He was very helpful and insightful, spent 2 hours off the meter explaining some legal things (procedures and language) and giving me some cogent advice regarding my concerns about the upcoming eviction hearing and the suggestion made by my landlord that we talk "about things". Naturally this means some homework on my part tomorrow.
Other than that, the past few days have been semi-productive and semi-depressing. Usually the day starts with me feeling like a truck hit me and getting out of bed will be a major accomplishment. I have a suspicion that this is because I can't eat while I am sleeping and end up with extremely low blood sugar.
After I get mobilized and munch on coffee and vitamins and a bit of food, the life comes back and I can get a bit done, although there will be less accomplished if it entails physical exertion. And later on (earlier if I forget to keep snacking!), a bit of a downturn in the energy department starts me losing track of time. Like tonight - one minute it was 8 pm and 15 minutes later it was 9:30 pm. It's got so I'm not even that surprised anymore. So, each day has a good day and a bad day packed into it.
I continue trying to "snap out" of my blue mood but it takes more energy than I can muster at times, so I give in and let it have a bit of air time. Just a bit, mind you. If I really believed sitting around doing nothing would help, I'd be all over it. But I don't believe that for one minute, so I am learning to do a little at a time. Adaptability can be a scary thing, though - normally I make lists of the things I intend to do. Now I make lists of what didn't get done.
Oh, and I've done more research and found the same root cause for autoimmune problems that I'd found last time I did this (27 years ago in fact): adrenal gland exhaustion caused by chronic stress (aka my life). Only this time around, there is a new development, namely DHEA supplementation (aka dehydroepiandrosterone). DHEA is a hormone that diminishes with age as well and has a bit of a bad PR thing going on because some users are looking for a fountain of youth. This doesn't discredit its appropriate therapeutic use IMO. Pubmed even had a journal entry on using DHEA very successfully in treating adrenal exhaustion. Good, huh?
Great. And if I lived in the US, I could go to a health food or drug store and purchase it for about $6 USD. Not in Canada, eh? I was unsuccessful in verifying the status of DHEA from the official Health Canada web site the other day. Having fairly recently lived in the States, I am often confused about what is OTC and what is Rx in each country. I finally went to a health food place and asked. Illegal here. Very. But wait a minute... a check in the back produced an opportunity to purchase larger dosage capsules than I'd planned on in a bottle with very sketchy labelling for $30 CAD. I turned it down, figuring I'd rather have manufacturer labelling thanks anyway. I'll order it from an online pharmacy as soon as I figure out how to get more cash into my US account.
The juxtaposition of misguided protectionism and wanton indifference on behalf of the presumably irresponsible public here in Canada by the appointend authorities boggles my mind.
Here's a medically verified treatment that can be obtained OTC across the border and which sounds very much like a good thing to at least try and I cannot legally purchase it. I may be able to get some if I can convince the appropriately accredited medical practitioner that it's worth trying and get an Rx, but that could take a while at the rate that I am being allowed to access the medical system these days.
But, should I just want to induce cancer in myself or my housemates, the goverment will allow me to purchase the necessary drugs in the form of cigarettes. Or maybe I'd rather just finish off my liver with alcohol. No problem, go right ahead. Don't forget to pay the tax on the way out.
Makes me wonder just how the decisions about what is and isn't safe enough for the public to be allowed unsupervised access are made. Seems like a coin toss right now.
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