Friday May 28, 2004
There is a saying about safety in numbers. To my way of thinking this is not just true of physical safety, but emotional and psychological as well. My children are my blessings at the moment, having agreed to lend me safety and attend the upcoming medical consultation with me. I feel braver already.
Francis Bacon reportedly said that knowledge is power. Which may explain why the hellish part of my current situation is not having anyone (yet?) to whom I can direct questions that seem urgently important right now: What should I be doing to help my body heal itself? What should I not? Why?
I have written my GP off as a source of information and support. I have been in search of other community and internet resources since the appointment with her earlier this week with some success already.
A loaned book from a local support centre (about living with Hepatitis C) brought me as close as I want to get right now to entertaining the worst case scenario. It didn't answer all of my questions, but made doing whatever I can to avoid getting to that stage extremely attractive. Even though I was in tears, I stayed with it figuring the real thing was going to be worse than reading about it and I'd better not start wimping out already.
The proprietor of a vitamin store helped by providing names and background information on a few of the naturopaths in town. 'Course the government health plan won't cover that consultation.
The more I learn about the liver, the more amazed I am. It can and does regenerate itself which is really good news. It is the only organ in your body that can do that. If I can get my immune system to stop abusing the poor thing, we'll both be happier.
I have started the same regimen that I used many many years ago to help my immune system get back to normal but without the aspirin. The very helpful and supportive pharmacist at Costco discussed the pro's and con's of aspirin with me, let me read the drug reference they have and finally convinced me not to take any until the gastro consult.
The past two days have been sunny (if not warm) and I have been out of my apartment as much as possible gathering peace and restorative vibrations from nature. Okay, and avoiding the nerve jangling noise of the building. I am especially drawn to the outdoors when the weather is active - rain, blowing wind, thunder, lightning - it's all wonderful energy to me.
Watching the sunset tonight I remembered many summer nights spent on the beach at Sandbanks enjoying the wonder of nature's beauty pageant, knowing it could never be owned, only experienced and savoured. And feeling privileged to be where I was at that moment.
I plan to get back there for a while this year - before my life takes me I know not where. The itch to camp is growing. It's been way too long since I've burned wood and slept outdoors. Wanna come?
This week's bloodwork says the liver trend continues toward normal. Yay team! A long way to go, but trends is trends, you know. Cause for some optimistic feelings, if only because when the trend changes there will definitely be negative feelings. Equal air time and all that.
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