Wednesday April 21, 2004
Today the bell rang in my world: in the despair and frustration and other dark feelings department. Observant readers will know that I was still up at an ungodly hour this morning. I didn't manage to drift off to sleep until hours after that first post of this calendar day. What I did not mention was the fact that the plumbers had exited the building last night without having completed the new water tank installation. Oh, yeah! It was colder than usual here, too and I finally had to get the propane heater going. Not surprisingly, that precipitated my falling asleep.
My doctor (herself) woke me at 9 am or so. This week's blood tests show a continued downward (good) trend, but not anywhere near normal. I told her my subjective experience has not been in that direction at all and, as a matter of fact I now have several other physical symptoms, one of which is pain for which I cannot (yet? or ever?) take any of the usual remedies to address. I described my fatigued state, omitting for now the fugue state into which my mood has descended and told her I felt worse now than I had a couple of weeks ago when she'd first seen me and started the investigation into my newest impairment.
She said she'd speak to a specialist about the numbers and my symptoms (without having seen me? Hmm... that's not how she insisted on handling my request for a referral to the neurologist.)
Speaking of which, I dropped into the doc's office on Monday after the lab visit for the sole purpose of enquiring as to the completion of the promised referral to the Ottawa neurologist. This had been discussed at least 3 weeks and again 2 weeks ago and for which purpose I had gladly found and forwarded the neuro's new phone number. There was only a short delay before I was told that the letter had been written. Good. I almost walked away, but then asked "And it's been mailed? Right?". Well no, they'll fax it as soon as they get the number. I volunteered to make the required phone call - if that was all that was standing in the way of getting this ball rolling. No, no. That won't be necessary - they'd make a note and see that it gets done right away. Thanks, eh.
Back to today's exchange. She made a depressing prognostication which I have been mulling over and cursing since then: not to work for another 3 to 6 months. Not that she's certain of what I have, still. Today she dropped the word "viral" to which I reacted with skepticism, reminding her that all the viral testing came back negative.
My next appointment is coming up on Monday at which time I am hoping for more information to be available. She offered me an earlier opening this week. I couldn't think of a good reason for seeing her any earlier. I'm in no hurry to hear more of what she doesn't know.
After that call, I heard multiple loud-ish voices in the utility room. A snatch of conversation something like this: "How dangerous would it be?" "Well, people might fall asleep and not wake up." kinda grabbed my attention. I didn't care how grungy I looked having gone through 50 some hours without hot water, I didn't think this warranted laughter at all.
I learned that they had got the heater going this morning, but there was a problem with fresh air flow to the gas burner. The back door was again wide open. I asked if showering were now a possibility. "Oh, sure. No problem. You'd better hurry though, before we have to shut it off again." I reacted with surprised "What?". To which the installer said "No. No. We aren't going to shut it off. I was just joking." I told him that wasn't quite as funny when you'd been without hot water since Sunday. And then I boogied to get one.
It helps to be clean, that's for sure.
To add to my sense of cosmic unfairness, a head hunter called me with a job for which I am well qualified but for which they need someone yesterday. We had a good chat about my latest round of health support frustrations. He advised me to find a good specialist and get there - his wife had been through a similar problem.
He will be informed when I am back on the market. Gosh that sounds good. And he agreed to keep me in mind for contract non-crunch-mode opportunities that I can do from home as long as the client is okay with a possibly erratic application of my inherent genius toward the deadlines.
There has to be some kind of life lesson that I have been remiss in grasping. Why else would the universe be whacking me on the head several times in past year (or two)? I hope I break the code soon. Or change whatever needs adjustment to get a scene change in this nightmare. Really... I am paying attention - I just don't understand the transmission yet.
0) { ?>